The various other night my friend Sophie stopped me as I was watching the above video on my phone. Our friend Dana had just said, “AM I WRONG?” in the very same cadence as the male in this video, and I was overcome via the urge to watch the video again.

You are watching: She wore a crown and came down in a bubble

“You understand how I understand you have the hyperenergetic sort of ADHD?” Sophie asked. (She additionally has actually ADHD, and we talk around it frequently.) I said “Of course I don’t, Sophie.” She responded: “Because you’ve now watched that video three times in a row.”

I’ll admit, there’s a MalonEmail essay in my future around just how being diagnosed via ADHD in my late 20s was the enhance in the powder barrel that collection off a chain explosion of existential situations, forcing me to reframe and also reconsider virtually whatever I ever before thought I knew around myself and the life I’d built about that. But such an emotional vivisection is for an additional day. Instead, let’s channel all my energy of denial into overthinking what is—in my mind, however additionally objectively, do not question my authority, I am an EXPERT—nothing much less than an Internet Masteritem.

Why “The Wicked Witch of the East, Bro!” is the platonic appropriate of a meme, damaged down right into a 10-action play-by-play

“HOLD ON. HOLD ON. HOLD ON. You’re—HOLD ON.” We begin our tour with the sort of steamroll-yelling that sends my stress hormones through the roof, while additionally motivating awe at how much screaming cis white dudes regularly obtain ameans via, also towards various other cis white dudes. (Men are plainly also emotional to host positions of power!) This opening is irritating, you can be thinking, and I now resent the perboy that sent out me a bros-doing-dumb-shit viral clip, juniorg8.com. Fear not, my curious comrades, for tbelow is more.

“HER SISTER. WAS A WITCH. RIGHT?” Wait—

“THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST, bro!” Oh. OH. Okay, so now it’s beginning to make sense. Right? Kind of? At the extremely least, we know this is an argument around The Wizard of Oz. What debate he’s trying to make is still unclear: is…the Wicked Witch of the Eastthe princess…? Who hurt this man? (Related: what is it favor to be a guy, so deeply confident in your triby means of knowledge and field of expertise that you jump directly to screamsplaining, instead of second-guessing yourself to the brink of madness at the mere inkling of a pointer that you could be incorrect, possibly? Amirite, ladies??)Allow me, at this allude in the tour, to additionally encourage you all to appreciate the body language: unhinged head-bob punctuating each word, plus whatever these focus prayer hands are doing. 13 secs in and currently we’re obtaining right into undiluted, Vine-grade internet fire.

“You’re gonna sit tright here and you’re gonna tell me that I’m wrong? AM I WRONG?”Is it feasible our star mansplainer has actually been to anger management? Sure! At one allude he voluntarily clears himself from the confrontation, stomping into the various other room to sulk about *checks notes* being told he’s wrong around the Wicked Witch of the East? However before, if he did, he clearly did not complete the regime, bereason at this point he comes back around, hands hosted out prefer an extremely, very out-of-character shruggy guy: I DEFY YOU TO FIND A FLAW IN MY UNIMPEACHABLE LOGIC THAT THE WITCH WHO WAS KILLED BY THE HOUSE PROVES THAT THE GOOD WITCH (?) WAS IN FACT A PRINCESS, DESPITE THE FACT THAT THE ALLEGED PRINCESS IN QUESTION ISN’T EVEN RELATED TO EITHER OF THE WITCH SISTERS WE’D HYPOTHETICALLY BE USING IN THIS ARGUMENT.

“SHE WORE A CROWN AND CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE, DAWG.” I’m pretty sure I review somewright here that this dispute began after they shed a round of that common mobile application game Head’s Up, because the Knife Guy failed to affix that Mansplainer’s “princess” clues were actually intended to have been pointing towards the answer “Glinda the Good Witch of the North.” Yet the reality that both of these are offered as debates for why Glinda the Good Witch of the North is, in fact, a princess—that she wore a crown (actually an excellent argument) and also came down in a bubble (???)—defies reason. However, have actually you ever before heard such magnificent madness? I’ve been converted. Glinda is a princess. Princesses travel in bubbles. It’s canon currently, dawg.

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“Grow up! Grow up, bro.”Have you ascfinished to the following plane? I absolutely have actually. Just an impeccable end to what could be the platonic ideal of the kind of unhinged, overzealous mansplaining logic that has concerned define not only the internet yet now the meatarea cosmos, as well. At this allude, with so many kind of feasible armageddons (armageddi?) waiting on the horizon, each waiting to take their revolve at the complete annihilation of humanity, you’ve gotta wonder whether the only reason so-called human being is still hanging on in 2020 is an outcome of the sheer momentum generated by the absolutely unstoppable conviction of civilization (jk, cishet men, lmao) that frequently remajor so utterly wrong and also still, somehow, win the argument?? If only we could harness it; “her sister a witch” can sudepend attribute as an alternate energy to relocation coal. At least!

The girl filming simply living for thisAs we round the bend to reach the end of this tour, you might notice: this girl, this intrepid documentary filmmaker, has been with us the whole time. She is us, really.